crown of violets

Flora: What kind of companion are you?

Courtesans
Originally uploaded by The Wandering Angel

When I realized I wanted to be a companion, I spent a lot of time figuring out what kind of situation I wanted to create for myself. There are many different types of sex workers and no two companions seemed to do things the same way, or even use the same words to describe their service. I’m still new to this, but I thought I’d share what I’ve learned so far.

I like the term “companion” because I find it to be very accurate to the type of service I’m providing. When I’m acting in a companionship role, I strive to bring into the space an open heart, a compassionate ear, and a world view that nurtures my patrons. My task is to provide company and a relaxed space for my patrons to experience sensual pleasure, feel nourishment, and be reminded of the beauty in the world. There’s an element of spirituality to it, simply because sensuality and spirituality aren’t very separate in my life. Companion is also a far less loaded term than the other words used to describe paying someone for their time and company. Few escorts operate the way I do so I hesitated to call myself that and courtesan seemed like it belonged in an era that no longer exists.

The best way to decide what kind of companion I wanted to be was to work from my strengths. I knew instinctively that I had been acting in this capacity to lovers and even casual acquaintances for years and that I was drawn to exploring it as a profession to honour my instincts and help isolate it from my day-to-day interactions. Leaving it unchecked often had me following those instincts in inappropriate situations where I felt drained and confused. I had a strong pull to nurture the skills, but with no limits I was doing a disservice to both myself and who I was spending time with.

I started off by exploring the courtesan mentoring posts on Gillette’s blog. These posts were a wonderful resource for me and really shaped how I view this work. Gillette’s integrity and strength gave me a great example to work from and I still refer back to these posts today. One of my favourites was an entry called “Escorts and Johns: Mentoring” which encouraged me to ask myself some pretty thorough questions about what I was drawn to do and why I wanted to do it. That work has been invaluable to me, helping me make sure that I keep aligned to my vision.

It was easy to decide that I didn’t want to work out of an agency. I knew I wanted to do more than one-on-one companionship and that answering to an agency would take away my freedom to chose who I saw and set my own schedule. I’ve also always known I wanted to work for myself, whatever field I was working in, so I never really seriously considered working for an agency.

I wanted to develop a connection with my clients, as my skills as a companion were more effective over time as I got to know someone’s individual personality and learn what they enjoyed. I want clients to feel pampered and to know they are with someone who genuinely enjoys their company. I find it hard to really get to know someone through email, dislike talking on the phone, but also wanted to only enter into agreements with individuals that I had an attraction to. To that end, every client has introductory meetings with me so that we can learn if we have chemistry before entering into a business arrangement. I also schedule sessions as a flexible block of time (one to four hours) for one rate so clients can relax and choose the length of their visit. Once I have the space for it, I’ll be able to invite clients to a sacred space so they’ll have the option of going out for social activities or having a private space to stay in.

Something that marks me as different from most sex workers is that I made the decision not to see anyone who was in a relationship and couldn’t tell their partner about seeing me. This has been a deal breaker for many potential clients and is an uncommon trait in a sex worker, but it was a condition I felt I needed to make.

First of all, I’ve been trying to invite more truth, love, and power into my life this year, inspired by Steve Pavlina’s book. By entering into a situation where I knew someone was being lied to didn’t feel congruent with what I was trying to build. Especially when I feel that it is normal and healthy for people to seek out the company of companions.

On the more practical side, I’m a social person and I’m getting more involved with local arts, social events, food activism, and community projects. The knowledge that I’m a companion is naturally going to get around. I would never publish details of a client or our encounter without their permission, but living in the age of the internet has taught me nothing that happens in public space is ever truly a secret and I don’t plan on staying locked up in bed with my clients twenty-four seven (as tempting as that thought can be xoxo).

As I gain more experience, I’m sure I’ll refine my methods to best serve myself and my clients. Like any new venture, there will be a certain amount of experimentation before I hit my stride and find out what really works.